The Dentist Can Prove Why You Are a Worthless, Irresponsible Human Being. | Hipster Runoff

The Dentist Can Prove Why You Are a Worthless, Irresponsible Human Being.

Hi! We're the staff at your family dentistry practice. It's great to see you. Have you been brushing and flossing? Let's take a look...

I feel scared to go to the dentist. It doesn't matter how successful/relevant/cultured/financially well-off I am, I am still scared that I will be exposed. When I walk into the Dentist's Office, my personal brand doesn't matter. The only brand that matters is my mouth's hygienic brand.  The dentist and/or his assistant will be able to see whether or not I am focused enough to make 'taking care of my teeth' part of my daily routine.

Maintaining your teeth is about self control. Do you eat a ton of sugary foods? Do you fail to brush your teeth after eating carby foods? Do you like acidic solutions stripping the enamel from your teeth? Do you brush for 4-6 minutes per brushing session? Do you floss daily? Do you want ur teeth to fall out?

Every time u go 2 the dentist, He will judge u. He will rate your work. He will evaluate you. How do u perform when u go to the dentist? Is it a 'routine home run', or do you 'crumble' since you didn't bother to take care of your teeth for the past 6 months? How does this make u feel? R u ashamed?  Do u 'expect more' from urself?  Do u wish you could tell ur dentist that you are 'actually a very competent person' but you just didn't really take care of ur teeth.

I feel chill when I go into the Dentist's Office. I know what to expect. Scraping teeth. Polishing. Chill soft rock in the background. Some lady 'trying to make small talk' with u.  Some light in ur face.  Water spraying.

I feel confused when the majority of my visit is a 'cleaning' by a dental hygienist. I think that she probably has a high school education, 2 years at a technical school, then passed some test. She seems simultaneously content and unsatisfied with her life. Her cartoon scrubs make me sad. She seems 'good at what she does', but still seems like some1 living a life of servitude/a job where you don't get to waste time on the computer all day.

I think I start to feel uncomfortable when the dental technician begins 'scraping a metal pick' against my teeth. I don't understand why this instrument is only necessary every 6 months. It seems like a similar product should be available to the masses & 'branded' by a toothbrush company or something.

I understand the importance of dental hygiene. Throughout my childhood, my parents have invested thousands of dollars in my teeth. I wore braces for a year to make sure that my teeth are straight and my bite is perfect.  When you don't have straight teeth, it doesn't really reflect on you; it tells the world that your parents were poor-ish/didn't value you enough to make sure you had aesthetically-pleasing teeth for the rest of ur life.

I understand that if I don't take care of my teeth, they will probably fall out. I know that I will be wealthy enough to get 'replacements', but I would feel ashamed of myself if I let my teeth rot away.  Like every night I would look in the mirror and think, 'You really let yourself down.'  I will look back on my life and wonder what I could have done differently.

The most suspenseful part of a dentist's visit is 'finding out whether or not u have a cavity.' You are a failure if you have a cavity.  You should feel bad.  Why didn't u brush before you went to bed all those nights?  What were you doing that was so important that you 'only brushed' but didn't floss?  Why wasn't taking care of your teeth important to you?  Can you name 3 things that are more important to you than dental maintenance? (1. checking fb + twitter  2.  watching internet pornography  3.  substance abuse)

Just need to acquire the tools to prevent tooth decay.

Not sure which toothbrush to buy.  So many choices.

Will probably buy an electric one, since it theoretically does 'more work 4 u.' Just need to make sure to brush at a 45 degree angle along my gum line.

Relieved that I don't have a 'manual' toothbrush.

Regular Toothbrush : Dell Desktop Computer :: electric toothbrush : Macbook Pro

Sorta wish medical companies could brand their products as effectively as tech companies are able to.

It seems like Listerine has the most powerful mouthwash brand.

Will probably buy some 'high end' floss instead of the 'generic shit' just so that I don't seem poor when people use my bathroom.  I feel like the 'regular green floss' can sometimes get stuck in your teeth and begin to unravel.

But srsly. You really need to start flossing. Every day. It's just as important as brushing. I know that you have been programmed to think that 'brushing is enough' but it's not.  (It seems like flossing wasn't as important in the 90s.)  You need to take care of your gums.  Eventually bacteria will get to the root of your tooth.  Then you will 'be fucked.'  S000 much decay happens between the teeth.  Places ur brush can't reach.

This is how to floss. Do you remember? We went over this last time. It doesn't make sense that you have a college degree and make over $_0,000 per year, but for some reason you don't care enough to floss. You deserve to feel bad and incompetent.

It seems like people should 'theoretically' be able to maintain their teeth without the consultation of a dentist. Like we should be given the tools to keep our teeth healthy. I honestly feel like 'a lil brush and some string' is not enough to keep our teeth clean and healthy.  It seems like the dental industry is 'giving us just enough to stay healthy', but we still need us to fail+be dependent upon their services.  Hope that Obama's healthcare plan includes 'self-servicing dentistry kits.'

It seems like it is 'okay' to get a few fillings. Like it is just a symbol of the quality of your life. If ur parents are making u happie and filling ur tummy, u will get some cavities during your life. I just feel relieved that we live in the era where fillings are white instead of silver. Seems like there has to be 'something wrong' with putting that silver shit in your mouth, like your mouth tastes like metal.

Really just hope my teeth 'stay healthy' as my life improves. Hope that 'tooth decay' over time does not mirror my 'quality of life' over time. Feel 'relieved' to have dental insurance from HRO, Inc.

Really need to 'take care of my health' before I get older and everything is irreversible. Seems like doctor/dentist visits seem 'stressful' when ur old. Like the medical bro is 'out to get you' and 'ruin ur life.'

Worried that I will get 'stupid' and 'insecure' as a grow older. Feel incompetent, like the world is moving too fast. Will feel like every1 else in the world is 'more accomplished' than me, and that I 'can't do anything right.' Seems emotionally taxing, as if it will take 2-5 years off my life.

The brand of 'good dental hygiene' is so surreal. Lil Tooth Bro.  Just wanting you to brush and floss.  Keep him healthy.

It seems like a positive tooth bro, encouraging you to stay healthy in the mouth, but at the same time sorta being 'a dick' about it. Letting you know that you're not good enough and don't have self control. Kinda weird how your interpretation of brands changes as you grow older.

It seems like even when u 'brush and floss regularly', u can sometimes still experience tooth decay. It really makes u feel 'helpless' when u try hard but see no positive results, and the dental technician still 'makes u feel like a failure.' Sorta feel like I don't control what happens in my mouth. Apparently ur mouth has more bacteria than ur colon. Seems like a 'death sentence' for ur teeth.

It's kinda weird how simple stuff like 'having teeth' can help u 2 connect with humanity. We're all just trying to 'be happy and eat good food + fall asleep without brushing' without losing our teeth. We all feel _____ about going to the dentist. We all feel _______ when ur lectured on how to ______ correctly. We all feel ______ when we find out that they are going to have to remove our _______ because we have _______.

How many times do u brush per day?
How many times do u floss per week?
Do u drink regular sodas, diet sodas, or no sodas?
When is the last time u went to the dentist?
Is it 'alt' to keep ur wisdom teeth in?

Do u feel sad whenever u go into a medical family practice office?
Should I quit my blog and go 2 med school to 'make a difference in the world'?
Will I have my original teeth in my skull when I die and my body is buried?

Would u like to schedule a follow up appointment?